A note to my fellow single sisters in Christ...
Being single (amidst desiring marriage) is a time commonly used for snooping into the future and wondering. It's a time of not knowing what is to come - but hoping God has wedding bells and children written in your story. It's a time of wrestling with the desires God has placed in your heart - desires that bark constantly for fulfillment. It's a time of realizing that those desires point to something deeper your heart is thirsting for: communion and intimacy with Christ.
Because singleness is a time of wrestling with God over your undisclosed future, it becomes an inimitable opportunity to express trust in your Creator who holds the entire world in His hands. Who keeps the planets spinning and the sun shining. Who woke you up this morning and continues to put breath in your lungs. This God, who keeps everything under control, is the same God who is in control of your life. Nothing - and I mean nothing - is out of His sight and out of His sovereignty.
Even your stubborn heart. He is in control of that. But how beautiful would it be if you freely gave your heart to God? So he could take care of it. Guard it. Fill it with His love. How beautiful would it be if you used this time of unknown for surrender instead of gripping onto something you were never meant to control? And how beautiful would it be if you gave the pen back to God with full assurance to let Him finish writing your story. To let His will be done fully and completely.
The season of singleness and desiring marriage - when boiled down - is ultimately a time for either trusting in God or a time for unbelief and stubborn resistance to His way. And it's your choice. You get to choose, DAILY, which path you want to take. Freedom in trusting God, or worry, anxiousness, and despair in unbelief.
Everyday is a battle. It is not easy. But the Bible, nor Jesus, never said it was going to be easy. In fact the Word says keep FIGHTING the good FIGHT (1 Timothy 6:12), take up your cross (Luke 14:27), stand against the devils schemes (Ephesians 6:10-20), and in this world you will have trouble (John 16:33).
But that is not the end of the story. We aren't called to live a life of despair and devoid of joy and fulfillment: Christ says, I am the bread of life - "whoever comes to me shall not hunger" (John6:35). Christ says, I am the light of the world - "whoever follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life" (John 8:12). Christ says, I am the good Shepherd - "I know my sheep and lay my life down for my sheep" (John 10:14). Christ says, I am the door - "if anyone enters by me, he will be saved and will go in and out and find pasture" (John 10:9). Christ says, I am the resurrection and the life - "whoever believes in me, though he die, yet shall live, and everyone who lives and believes in me shall never die" (John 11:25-26). Christ says, "I am the way the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me" (John 14:6). Christ says, I am the vine - "whoever abides in me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing" (John 15:5).
In Christ alone, we have life. The whole Christian life comes down to one thing: dependence on Jesus. With Him we have life - and life to the fullest. Without Him, we have nothing but death, emptiness, and eternal separation from the Father (true and perfect Love).
Our hearts are ultimately searching and grasping for true and perfect Love - and it is right in front of us - but are you willing to see that? Are you willing to believe that? Are you willing to depend on the only one who is meant to be completely and fully depended on by you?
NOTES / PRAYERS FROM MY VIDEO:
(These notes are raw and un-edited haha! Please don't judge!)
In the past year, I have been wondering if it is right to pray for your future husband… someone who I have no idea if he even exists. Should I be praying for someone who may not even be alive… what if I never marry?
I have prayed for my future husband before… but there have been seasons where I don't at all because I don't feel right about it. But sometimes it's on my heart to pray for him.
It made me wonder (because I have heard many say it is good to pray for your future husband / wife… wise wise people have told me that)
So, I started researching. I found many articles on women who were either 100% for it or 100% against it.
THIS IS A GRAY AREA. THIS IS NOT BLACK OR WHITE.
Much of the research I found was not grounded in the Bible. Instead of asking… WHAT IS YOUR OPINION on praying for a future husband… I think we must ask what does the Bible say first and formost…
Obviously, the Bible isn't clear about SPECIFICALLY if you should pray for your future husband or not…
So I researched what the Bible says about FUTURE
And what the Bible says about PRAYER
Proverbs 16:9
The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.
I can plan. I can put those plans into prayers all I want - but ultimately it will be God who establishes my steps. Which is surprisingly freeing because knowing the all powerful - all knowing - all wise God is in control of my life puts me at peace.
There is a tug: what if I don't get what I am planning? That's where trust comes in. He knows better. He will always be good to me.
MY PRAYER SHOULD BE:
Lord,
Establish my steps. My heart is yeaning to plan my future: to fall in love. To marry a godly man. To have a family.
But oh Father - more than that I want YOU to establish my steps. I need you to do that In my life.
James 4:13-15
Come now, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit”— yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. Instead you ought to say, “If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that.”
A good and much needed reminder:
I do not know what tomorrow will bring.
I am a mist. I will vanish soon. Life is fleeting.
Everything comes down to if God wills it.
Many times I can tell God (and my heart can too) what I want tomorrow. What I want in the next year. BUT I MUST REMEMBER that I do not know what tomorrow will bring. My life is fleeting. Things will only happen if God wills it.
MY PRAYER SHOUD BE:
Lord,
I am your servant. I want your will to be done in my life. My heart wants to plan when I will meet my future husband. My heart wants to plan that tomorrow I may meet the man of my dreams. Or at school. Or at church. But God! How silly of me - I don't even know what tomorrow may bring. My life is just a mist - here today and gone tomorrow. With that truth in mind, I pray and ask that your will would be done in my life. Establish my steps.
Proverbs 19:21
Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand.
MY PRAYER:
I am a schemer and a planner at heart. That is my nature. That is human nature. I want to plan. But God, I don't want to hold these plans with a tight fist. I must let them go. I must hold them open to you. I ask that although my heart is trying to plan and wants to plan - may your purpose stand in my life. I open my whole life to you. May your purpose stand.
John 12:44-46
"Then Jesus cried out, 'Whoever believes in me does not believe in me only, but in the one who sent me. The one who looks at me is seeing the one who sent me. I have come into the world as a light, so that no one who believes in me should stay in darkness."
MY PRAYER:
May I, like those who followed Jesus in John 12, trust in God's timing and surrender my desires for a future spouse, knowing that His plan is perfect, and His timing is always right.
Proverbs 3:5
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.
WOW. WOW. WOW. WOW. This verse. It totally goes with all the other verses I just prayed through. The common theme is:
We as human beings naturally want to plan. We naturally want to make things happen OUR WAY along with our DESIRES. This is us leaning on our OWN UNDERSTANDING.
But the Bible is clear: LEAN NOT ON YOUR OWN UNDERSTANDING. Don't do what you naturally do - instead HAVE FAITH. TRUST IN GOD WITH ALL YOUR HEART. Pray His will would be done. Pray that He would work in the way that HE wants.
Lord,
I let go. May are the plans in my heart. Many are the plans in my mind. Many are the plans on my lips. But God it is your purpose that will stand. It is your will that will happen. It is YOU who establishes my steps. So God, I trust you . I trust in you with all my heart. I do. Your plans are way better than mine ever could be. Please let your will be done. Even in this next semester. Please let your will be done. Even for the rest of college - let your will be done. God, even for the rest of my life: let your will be done.
Why do we pray for our future husbands?
We are experiencing longing.
We desire marriage
We want to fantasize about our future husbands
We want to dream
It's all we feel we can do when we experience those longings
It is good to ask this question. It is good to search our hearts and see why we are doing things… even why we are praying for certain things.
We pray for other things regarding the future and don't see it as wrong:
Future jobs (that we may never get)
Future college decisions (colleges we may never attend)
Future children - asking God to bless us with children. Something that many women in the Bible prayed (Hannah, Sarah) - and sometimes those prayers never get answered.
Future friendships - asking. God for friends.
Verses on Prayer
1 John 5:14
14 This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us.
Jesus' prayer: Matthew 6:10
Your kingdom come
Your will be done.
Jesus praying in the garden: Luke 22:42
"Father, if you are willing, remove this cup from me. Nevertheless, not my will, but yours be done."
He set his desire before God's feet. But then asked for God's will to be done.
Let your requests be made known to God: Philippians 4:6-7
"do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard. Your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus."
THAT IS WHAT IT COMES DOWN TO….
Laying your desire before him and praying that His will would be done.
When it comes to praying for my future husband…
After studying loads of scripture I have realized my prayers need to change. They need to be more focused on God's will, rather than the will of my desires.
My desires are not wrong or bad. They are a gift from God. I acknowledge them.
But more then wanting my desires fulfilled, I want God's will to be done. To have God's will be done (over mine) is to live in perfect peace and full joy.
Deuteronomy 28:2 says,
"All these blessings will come on you and accompany you if you obey the Lord your God."
As I pray for my future, I seek to align my life with God's will and His principles, just as Deuteronomy 28 reminds us that obedience to God's commands leads to blessings. I trust that by following His guidance, my future will be shaped by His favor and grace.
1 John 2:17 says,
"The world and its desires pass away, but whoever does the will of God lives forever."
Marriage is of this world. It is a beautiful gift from God - but will not last into eternity. Christ and His love is better than life itself and will last forever. So, I will turn my heart back to God and ask for HIS will to be done in my life. I will lay my desires at His feet and be clear about them - and then say: "not my will but yours be done."